Truer words have never been spoken, especially in my case. If you know me personally or if you've come across my Instagram stories you KNOW I love to talk. I love to tell a story and I would like to think they are pretty entertaining and my narration is quite animated.
If you don't agree, your ass should have said something a long time ago because now it's too damn late and I fancy myself a storyteller so you're just going to have to go with it.
Prior to these last few years, I've never really had any true fear and/or anxiety about anything. If I wanted to do something, I just did it. As long as I was willing to deal with the consequence(s) then I was good… the only thing you can't come back from is death, right?
I've wanted to make a living being creative for many years so I did my research and 10 years ago, without any true plan, I quit my 9-5 and decided to do the damn thing. I started a t-shirt company and things were going pretty well. You know, as well as they can go in the first couple months of anything that you didn't TRULY plan. I was creating designs, getting them printed and people were even buying them. I lived in a great apartment in Brooklyn, NY, the creative Mecca (yeah, yeah everyone has an opinion), I had printing equipment (shouts to my dad, always buying me something to make these dreams work), I had supportive friends, no kids and a boyfriend that was also a creative and was down with the plan. Wait… there was no plan so he was just down.
I don't think for one second I thought about the future back then. Sure, I knew I wanted to be the next Johnny Cupcakes. Check him out, his story is INCREDIBLE. No seriously, check out his story, RIGHT HERE. This is just my first gift (Gift #1) to you, stay tuned for more and if you keep coming back to read my posts, the gifts will be overflowing! How's that for a bribe so you can keep reading my ramblings?
I had a cute idea with an equally cute name, logo, website, ads ,etc., but no real thoughts for the future, no future plan(s). GUESS WHAT???!!! I hit one snag, ONE roadblock and it all went to shit.
I would give you a short version of the drama but as much as I love to tell a story I don't want to lose you and I don't want you to lose this message.
I've been talking about that loss for 10 years and I have been wishing things were different for 10 years. I tried to convince myself that I was doing what I wanted to do and that I was happy. I convinced myself that my role at my "9-5" was non-traditional and it allowed me to "create" without technically being a "creative" BULLSHIT!!!!!! If you know me you are also calling BULLSHIT because I was miserable that whole time!
Have you ever watched the movie "How to lose a guy in 10 days?" They play a game called BULLSHIT. After you finish reading this go watch it and read this part again, the BULLSHIT is even better with that context. Gift #2, people, this is a great RomCom, I'm handing them out!!!!!!
On the surface, you smile because you have a good "job". Ok… I had a good "career". You live in a nice place and you have a car… notice there is no boyfriend in this part…
My reality was that I was stuck. I was stuck in fear, stuck in indecision, stuck in my "9-5", stuck in my head and stuck in loathing, just fucking stuck. I need you to see this with me. I was at what I perceived to be a dead end, nowhere to go, nowhere to turn… STUCK!
Then last year I saw this quote on Facebook (shouts to Alison):
"Get your shit together or forever be haunted by what the best version of yourself would've been like" -Kwabena Foli
Talk about a slap in the face and a swift kick in the ass!!!! Shiiiiiitttttt I guess it's time to get UNSTUCK. So my 10 years older "self" made a plan this time. I probably could have fleshed it out some more but hey, start where you are. If I waited for perfection I would have been waiting another 10 years.
On January 12, 1018, I left my great position that paid all my grown-up, almost 40-year-old bills, and I finally had to be about all this stuff I have been talking about. I've been putting this off for a long time and I have easily blamed everything and everyone but myself for not doing this thing that is inherent, this thing that nourishes my soul.
I am a CREATIVE and a MAKER of beautiful things. It's official and I can now say the words. When I die several years after my 100th birthday you can say it at my funeral. Permission granted!
GIFT ALERT!!!!!!!! Gift#3 is this blog… just in case you weren't following along.
Now comes the fun! You, yes, YOU get to join me on this journey while I get my shit together. I refuse to wonder about the best version of me and live in any kind of regret. It is always interesting to hear the feedback from people when you tell them your plans. You know, those big, lofty goals of you taking over the world. No one ever believes you, no one ever thinks you can really do it…
I say screw 'em and let them eat our dust.
I've never been big on proving people wrong. I know lots of folks who are fueled by their naysayers and they get things done because someone said they couldn't. Me, I just do things because I want to. So, because I want to, I am going to conquer this world and fuck a roadblock!
Leave a comment